Today I read an interesting article by Zoe Mendez entitled “trusting the inner you”, which propelled me to write this post. The article was sent to me by Paulla De souza, my friend who is also a makeup artiste. For great tips on making yourselves even more fabulous AND motivation, check out her blog: Also check out the Woman to woman blog, interesting read.

Instinct, hunch, intuition, the voice, premonition, whichever we  choose to call it, I say it’s God talking to us. You know what I’m talking about, whatever the situation, you get that feeling in your gut that tells you this is right, or  run the heaven out of there.

My experience with the voice has been vast & in my teens and early 20’s I chose to ignore it. I deliberately blocked it out. Now as the proverb goes: with age comes wisdom, I LISTEN!

I hope you don’t mind me sharing a few  of my incidents (which I’m sure many of you can relate to) with you.

Sometimes, I may be going through something in my life that I think I should  share, but my instinct scream DON’T. The times when I listened to the voice. I always breathe a sigh of relief cause if i’d gone against, I would have ended up in hot water. Other times (like now) it says share, share, share. So I’m listening and sharing. *smiles*

My  flatmate, I fell for at the sound of a voice on a phone, fell hard from the first hello. I feel as if I have known M all my life. Our living situation is so harmonic. We look out and after each other. God told me to choose M. It may sound a little spooky-ish but read on,  it’s simply about listening to your inner voice.

As a teen, I was a tomboy. One night my brother, his friends & I thought jumping over the flying fish swimming pool wall for a midnight swim was cool. We were a bunch of teens accustomed to getting up to all types of mischief. We thought we were some bad as***. In retrospect,  we were similar to  Enid Blyton’s famous 5 (for those of you who remember the series) just children having fun, thinking we were taking on the world. It was all kids play. I wish children still played like that.

Anyhow, this one particular night, I felt it in my gut, deep down inside, WE SHOULD NOT BE HERE, I SHOULD NOT JUMP THAT WALL. Shrugs & jumps the wall along with the others. Budup-BRAF-crunch. I fell in a twisted bundle and let out a little “ouch.” T hough I was in immense pain, I refused to let the guys see it. I hopped around for a few weeks after and made up some lie for Mummy (which to this day I can’t remember) to cover up our midnight stunt. the voice told me I should let Mummy know something was wrong, yet again, I didn’t listen.

To date, I’ve had TWO total hip replacement surgeries. According to my Orthopedic Surgeon, this was the result of a very old injury, years old, that was left unattended.  Yep, I had fallen on my left side, the side where I now boast my war scar. It also didn’t help that I chose jumping around (singing  in Soca bands) on stage for  a career.

The man part now, allyuh know it had to have one, or a couple, or a few. LOL  My first serious bf: I thought I had met the man of my dreams (yeah  was at the knight in shining armor stage too, come on, which straight woman hasn’t been there?) He was 27, attentive, showered my with presents (which I had to give away before (Norma Cordner frank -Mummy found out about them…and I WAS 21!). He took me to places I’d never been before, literally (stop it oh you with the mind of the gutter-lol), he was my coming out guy, showed me how a woman should be treated. But though I tried hard hard to fall-in-love, I didn’t, something always bugged me about him. But what was it? He was everything a girl could ask for (on paper). Turns out a girl had already asked for and gotten  him (on paper). He was married. I’m not proud of that part of my life, but in my defence, he tricked the naive little Santa Cruz girl, all because she wouldn’t / didn’t listen to the voice. Ladies I’m sharing so you wont make the same mistake, hope it’s not too late. LISTEN TO THE VOICE!

When I lived in london, I was so good at working with the children at a mental hospital (one of the many jobs that I held down) that management was very interested in applying  for me to become a resident,  get my training, then work for them exclusively (of course for a period of time). That was mad kudos to me, and my work ethics! My mum a nurse, would have been happy that I was following in her foosteps. I dared not tell her cause fighting off one voice (the instinct) was enough for me.

While in London, I  never let a carnival pass without going  home to sing in a band.  So, I bluntly refused their offer. Even refused to think about it because all the voice was saying to me was take this offer. Run with it, this can open up so many more doors. Singer ghul said nope, I’m going home. Flatly turned it down, went home to sing.

Here’s the deal. I would have become a  registered pshyciatric nurse, which could have led  to one of my other dreams, becoming an Embalmer. Well not directly, but I would have been a lot closer to it than I am now.

Side note:Where in heaven I’m I gonna find that money for mortuary school now? Is that gate approved?

My career choices as a child and still are, in this order> Entertainer, Journalist, Embalmer, and something along the lines of CSR.

Back to my story, I would have been a psychiatric nurse or Psychiatrist. I would also not need ish to travel to most countries  *giggles*.  I could have been a huge actress or journalist on the BBC , the  next SIR TREVOR MCDONALD *giggles again*-you know what I mean. I would have been pounding it instead of fighting with faith for the TT dollars. However, don’t get me wrong. I love what I do, I wont change it for all the pounds in London, so despite all the coulda, shuda, wuda, all I’m saying is, if I had listened to the voice, I would have taken my steps differently. Don’t worry even I smell contradiction with my last sentence.

Yet another “man story” (Ladies WE DO have a few of those ent?) I have never had the slightest wish to be married. I really don’t want to get into my reasons now. All I will reveal is I just prefer a serious commitment to a piece of paper and some rings. (I’m hearing my Christian mother groan  again).Then, I met this guy , at the car wash (I just had to include that, cause it’s still damn funny to me), and over time, he and my family came down on me hard-TO MARRY! Yikes!

Again, another great on paper guy, he fitted my “list” down to the last dot! Spiritual, sociable (well he was kinda), educated, ambitious, supportive, caring, laughed at my jokes even when they wont funny. I even got some extras cause brother was FIONE to look at, could dress, and a real classy act, or so I thought, instead, turns out he was an a** act. *Braying now*. Something didn’t  feel right, I put it to the back of my mind, for a while.  My family all loved him, practically proposed to me for him. When I discussed my uneasiness with Mummy, the Godly lady told me some Anansi (fable) story about how in the old days or different cultures some women don’t even meet their husbands till the day of the wedding (arranged marriages) ra ra ra.

Mummy you know I love you but you sorta, kinda forced him on me, don’t deny it. “Knycky time to settle down, yuh want to die alone?”  Now, I shout IF BEING WITH HIM WAS THE ONLY OTHER OPTION THEN YES! LOL. (Funny how I can laugh about that period in my life now). Anyhow I listened to the voice, if I was gonna make an important change of mind, take such a step, I needed it to be the right one. I listened to the voice of God, then shut him out, said yes to the guy, wore the wrong ring, but  conveniently forgot it at home on many occasions. I was not proud of that ring, any ring on that finger, ewww. We had some quarrels concerning that, yup. My instinct kept nagging  me because my God didn’t want me in that situation at all at all. I just KNEW that guy wasn’t right for me. But I stayed in the relationship. I questioned myself and my girls. “Why am I not feeling overjoyed?” Hear me out, I loved him, I eventually grew to. But I swear it was like loving my brother Garvin. I felt no passion towards this guy.

My girls and I have this question we toss around, Love, trust, passion, if you could only choose  two, which two would you choose? Passion was one of my choices. I need to feel it. I’m passionate about everything I do, my cleaning, my work, life. So when I didn’t feel it with this guy, I just KNEW my instinct (God) was saying it was wrong. Long story short: The guy was with ANOTHER WOMAN for the duration of OUR relationship, even when we eventually moved in TOGETHER! Later found out, he had also proposed to her, later found out they were having a baby. Whew, I missed that bullet cause that’s the one thing he didn’t get me to budge on. Though I wasn’t “in love” with him, it still hurt.  I was embarrassed, humiliated and a little traumatized because it happened while I was dealing with my health issues so i wasn’t at my strongest. Over long blog story short. PEOPLE LISTEN TO THE INNER VOICE!!! God loves us and wont lie to us, wont lead us astray.

Even as I’m  writing this, so many memories are flooding my mind, many about the times I didn’t listen to God and the outcome.

Listen, if it quacks like a duck…IS A DAMN DUCK! (Even when everyone is saying is a poodle). Let your instinct be your guide.

If it smells dirty…IT’S DIRTY (even when it looking lily white)

Curry as I know it is yellow so doh geh meh dat blue ting a tell meh IS CURRY! My God not blind. LOL

Doh p** on meh and tell meh IT RAINING!

I’ve learnt to listen. I’m still listening. Sometimes, it takes a little while for me to make the necessary adjustments, but I know that THEY WILL BE MADE. I FIGHT WITH FAITH!

My God don’t make fools so I AIN’T A FOOL!

Please allyuh just listen. How dey does say it? Let your conscience be your guide

Blessings and miracles,



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